Has this kind of thing ever happened to you? It would make a great Twilight Zone episode.
Dialogue Problems
I’ve written about dialogue several times before, and yet I keep feeling the need to stress, once again, that poor dialogue skills can ruin a manuscript. My standard guideline is that all we really need is “said” for a statement and “asked” for a question. Of course we want variation and a bit of imagination, but if you get carried away with highbrow dialogue tags, your writing will immediately be identified as amateurish. The fancy words distract from the flow of the verbal exchange, causing the reader to focus more on the tag than on the dialogue.
Like punctuation, a dialogue tag is important, but we don’t want it to dominate the writing. It should be there, doing its job, but not claiming the limelight.
I mentioned in one of my recent posts that I had suffered through a horrible book of botched up dialogue and punctuation rules that almost made me put the book down. It had a good plot, but I will never put myself through that kind of torture again, reading a book so overflowing with one mistake after another. It’s not fair to the reader to publish something like that, and it’s detrimental to the author’s future writing career.
In this post, I want to show some examples of excessive tag use.
Here are some examples of what I saw, but I will put in the corrected punctuation and deal with that in the next post.
“Why did you hurt her?” she inquired.
“I don’t really know,” he grimaced.
“I don’t know how I climbed that tree,” he laughed.
“Will you call me tonight?” she smiled.
“You’d better,” she demanded.
In most cases, avoid using these words. If you must use them, do it sparingly.
Here are some of the words best avoided as dialogue tags:
inquired, responded, answered, queried, suggested, shouted, yelled, whispered, retorted, questioned.
Occasionally you might want to use a word like whispered, or muttered, to show the way the words were said, but for the most part, stick to the words that won’t make the reader stop to ponder the dialogue tag rather than the dialogue itself.
*Some words don’t even make any sense to use as dialogue tags, so avoid using these:
smiled, laughed, sighed, grimaced, frowned, scowled.
One last thing I’d like to point out is that we don’t always need a dialogue tag. If you can avoid them, please do. If only two people are having a conversation, you might only need to an occasional tag to mark who is talking. You can also do this by leading (or sometimes following) with an action, followed by the spoken words, thus avoiding using “said” and “asked” altogether.
Joan shuffled her feet and studied the ground. “I’m so sorry about that, Sam.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Sam gave her a hug.
“But I do worry about it.”
“Don’t. We’re okay.”
Next time, a short bit on punctuating dialogue.
Polishing That Final Draft
I am a copy editor. Like most people, when I’m not working, I read novels for enjoyment. When I come to a mistake in the writing, I grimace and then go on, hoping that this was one of the rare times an error has escaped the author’s notice. When I see another error, I grit my teeth and groan. I consider whether to continue reading or not. If the plot has got me hooked and I want to find out what happens, I hang in there. Then I come across another error, and on the very next page another one, and I am wishing I had never started this book. But I don’t like leaving things unfinished, so I carry on. The errors are frequent and I check the author’s name to be sure I never buy another of his or her books. In misery, I dutifully finish the book. It could have been a good story, but it was ruined for me by so many errors.
I don’t like to find fault with other authors. Having written some books, I know that we all make mistakes. But have these careless writers never thought to have a copy editor look at their work? Yes, it costs a bit to pay for this intensive scrutiny of our writing, but there is no point in publishing a work that will kill sales of any future books we might write. Why would anyone buy another of our books if we published something full of mistakes – something so obviously not ready to be put out there into the readers’ world?
Okay, so what’s my point? If you are a writer, here are some ways you can ensure that your book is the best it can be before publishing it.
- Have someone you trust read your book, chapter by chapter, possibly as you are writing it. Listen to their “gut reaction” comments and consider making changes after you get another opinion on that comment. Have them draw your attention to any errors they may find.
- When you finish writing your book, read it aloud to yourself, scene by scene. How does it sound? Does it flow? Does it sound clunky and improbable? Perhaps it’s the contrived dialogue. Would this character really talk like that?
- Read it again, fixing any errors you have marked and rewriting any of the dull language.
- Use the Find feature in Word to find overused words. Change these or leave them out – whatever works. Find is an excellent feature of Word for finding other instances of what may be a recurring error. If you see an error that you think you may have repeated later in the book, why not use Find to check it. You can also use Find to take out extra spaces if you have fallen into the old habit of putting two spaces between sentences. Just have Find look for two spaces, and then use Replace to put one space.
- Have a friend read the manuscript asking him or her to make a note of any errors.
- Hire a copy editor to go through the whole book, looking for anything you’ve missed (errors in word usage, punctuation, grammar, repeated words, spelling, sentence structure).
- When you get the copy-edited work back, read it through carefully again. Even copy editors make the odd mistake.
Every writer has his or her own way of working through the writing process. The ideas I’ve offered here are only suggestions. If you have a method that works for you, by all means, use it. Just know that if you think it’s enough simply to have your Aunt Mary read the manuscript and say, “That’s nice, Dear,” you are in for disappointment.
Funny, But Not
I’m reading a horror of a book right now (and it’s not a horror story, but rather a story about relationships). The author has written several books, but I know I won’t buy another of hers. I’m sad to say, it is torture to read her work.
If you recognize any of these as mistakes that you make, don’t feel bad. But if you make all of these mistakes and more, it’s time to take notice.
The author whose work I’m reading just now has a problem with prepositions, dialogue, and word usage, just to name a few of the writing problems.
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Many words are naturally followed by certain prepositions. In the dictionary, you may find a word and it says, “usually followed by —-.”
Here are some examples I found that seem to be wrong because of what follows certain words:
consisted in – should be consisted of
embarrassed with me – should be embarrassed by (or about) me
ashamed with – should be ashamed of
she thought back of her children – should be she thought back to (or about) her children
Other preposition errors:
The car pulled in front of the house – What did the car pull? She could have said, “The car pulled into the driveway in front of the house,” or “The car stopped in front of the house.” Changing “pulled” to “stopped” avoids having to say, “The car pulled in in front of the house.”
“After moving in a small house” How did she move, I wondered. Did she squirm or walk around? What she meant to say was, “After moving into a small house.”
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Word usage errors:
her hands wondered over him (contemplative hands?)
he was secretly wandering if she would… (was he walking in his sleep?)
she wondered through the dining room (maybe trying to decide what to eat?)
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And of course, my pet peeve, the lay/lie verbs:
…he begged, laying on top of her – I was shocked. I groaned and laughed out loud. I had an image in my head of a man squatting on top of a woman, depositing eggs onto her stomach.
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As this list is getting rather long, I have decided to save the dialogue problem for another post.
Into or In To?
I often have to hesitate when I want to use “into,” struggling with which is correct – “into” or “in to.”
The main deciding factor is whether there is motion, or action going towards something. Going into a place takes the compound word (into).
Even moving towards something intangible counts.
For example: I moved into a state of depression.
More examples:
I climbed into the cave.
I entered the house and went into the kitchen.
If you mean that you entered a place in order to do something, use the two separate words.
Example:
I am going in to get a coat.
The cave was dark but I went in to explore it anyway.
So, using both:
I climbed into the cave. I went in to explore.
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One Word or Two?
The compound words in this post are ones that give most people trouble. Should they be written as one word or two?
Everyday or every day?
When you want to say “casual” or “ordinary,” as in “everyday clothes,” or an “everyday occurrence,” it is one word.
If it makes sense to insert the word “single,” then you are referring to something that happens every day (or every single day), so it is “every day.” Two words.
Sometime or some time?
This is usually used as one word, as in “I’ll see you sometime next week.”
When it is preceded by “for” or “at,” or followed by “ago,” it is usually two words.
e.g.
I haven’t seen her for some time. I know I was there at some time during Spring Break. I ate supper some time ago.
In the above examples, the emphasis is on “time” when “some time” is used.
Anybody, anyone, anything, anyway, anywhere
To make it easier, we can stop worrying about “anything” and “anywhere.” They are always one word.
And please no anywheres or anyways.
“Anybody,” “anyone,” and “anyway” are two words when the second word is emphasized.
Was there “any body” left in the morgue?
If “any one” person can do the task, it is Charles Atlas.
If there is “any way” to do it, he will find it.
Awhile or a while?
Do not use “for awhile.” The idea of “for” is already implied in “awhile.”
The correct usage would be either “stay for a while” or “stay awhile,” but NOT “stay for awhile.”
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Now you’ll need a while for all this to sink in.
February Trivia
Did you know that the Romans thought of February as a month of purification? It comes from the Latin word “februo” which means to purify by sacrifice.
The kind of sacrifice is a matter of guesswork. It could be something as simple as giving up a favourite food or a vice. I hope that’s all they meant. I’m not for being sacrificed on an altar.
Also, February the second is the day we often call Groundhog Day. It was originally called Candlemas Day.
A Scottish proverb says:
If Candlemas Day be bright and fair,
The half o’ winter’s come and mair;
If Candlemas Day be wet and foul,
The half o’ winter was gane at Youl.
A German proverb says:
The badger peeps out of his hole on Candlemas Day, and if he finds snow, walks abroad; but if he sees the sun shining, he draws back into his hole.
The badger is not a groundhog, but apparently the idea of the original Groundhog Day was in the works long ago (it would have been a badger day, I guess). Much later, the Americans adopted this theme as a way to celebrate the end of winter (or not) with the groundhog, an animal that was more common to the east coast of the United States.
Here on Vancouver Island, I’ve had to substitute Crispin the squirrel, as you saw in my post in my other blog
https://wordsfromanneli.com/2024/02/01/our-very-own-groundhog-day/, for both groundhogs and badgers.
So Candlemas Day, February 2nd, which originally celebrated the return of light, is a Christian festival to mark the presentation of Jesus at the Temple of Jerusalem, where He is referred to as “the light of the people of Israel.”
Religion and tradition are often connected.
Now for that February sacrifice? Hmm … I think I could give up doing the dishes, or vacuuming…. How about you?
Fingers are Handy
Our digits come in very handy at times. You might say our fingers were the original “digital” age.
The human thumb is very useful, especially since it is opposable.
Next to it is a finger that, long ago, was called the towcher (the finger that touches), the foreman, or the pointer.
Then in the middle we have the long-man, or long finger. It is more commonly called the middle finger nowadays.
Then comes the lech-man (medical finger used for stirring potions), also called the ring-finger (digitus annularis). Its power is said to have come from the later disproven belief that it has a nerve that goes from that finger straight to the heart. On the strength of that belief, it also became the ring finger.
Last of all we have the little man, or little finger.
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Some fun anecdotes:
In the German language a thimble is called a Fingerhut – a “hut” (hat) for the finger.
The custom of holding up one’s finger to make a bid in an auction comes from the Romans.
The Finger Benediction:
In the Greek and Roman Church, the thumb and first two fingers represent the Trinity. The thumb, being strong, is the Father; the long finger is Jesus Christ; and the first finger is the Holy Ghost (which proceeds from the Father and the Son). The gesture of the three fingers together is often used in the benediction at the end of church services.
I used to really like that part (the benediction) because it meant that I had survived another sermon without falling asleep.
Mad as a Hatter
Image by John Tenniel
Remember the Mad Hatter in Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland?
Did you ever wonder why he was called the Mad Hatter?
In Lewis Carroll’s day, people wore hats much more than they do nowadays, and hatmaking (millinery) was a popular business.
The expression “mad as a hatter” evolved from the fact that many people working in the job of making hats ended up suffering from mental problems. Eventually it was established that the cause was the exposure to mercury vapors.
Mercuric nitrate was used as a stiffener for felt used in the hat making process in the 18th to 20th centuries. Many of the shops were not well ventilated in those days and exposure to the mercuric fumes caused serious neurological disorders in the workers.
If you want to know more about mad hatter syndrome, you can google “erethism” (or “erethismus mercurialis”) and find out all kinds of interesting things about it.
It is thought that the character in Alice in Wonderland is based on a friend of Lewis Carroll’s, but it is not established that he had mad hatter syndrome, only that he was a bit eccentric.
Hmm … I think I know a few mad hatters myself.
And here I thought it was just a name in a book.
The Cat and the Bag
Have you ever wondered about the origin of the expression “let the cat out of the bag”?
In days of old, when countryfolk went to the market, sometimes a person wanting to sell a suckling-pig might try to trick the potential buyer by substituting a cat in the sack (or poke).
If any gullible person chose to buy a “pig in a poke” without examination, he might be fooled; but if he opened the sack, “he let the cat out of the bag,” and the trick was exposed.
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