Holiday Reading – Bonnie Trachtenberg

I hope you’ve got your holiday reading list handy so you can add to it today. Author Bonnie Trachtenberg is going to share her latest favourites with us. Here’s Bonnie:

Delusional author photo

 

I love to laugh all year long, but especially during the holidays, so I’ve chosen three books to share that thoroughly entertained me!

 

Here they are. All funny books for the holiday season.

The Spellman Files by Lisa Lutz

If you enjoy lighthearted mysteries, you’ll love this gem by Lisa Lutz, which had me laughing so hard at one point that I actually had tears streaming down my face.

Holidays On Ice by David Sedaris

If you’re in a holiday kind of mood, David Sedaris’ hilarious collection of Christmas-themed stories told in his inimitably funny voice, will bring a smile to your face and some extra joy to your holiday.

I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron

We lost the great Nora Ephron recently, but luckily she left us with some of her wonderful books and movies to enjoy over and over again. In this one, she brings us her candid and witty insights and observations on modern life.

 

Here is one of Bonnie’s own novels, Neurotically Yours

Neurotically Yours Cover JPEG

Amazon: http://amzn.to/HY4PyF

Website: http://www.BonnieTrachtenberg.com

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Hooked? – 5

Here are three more books and their opening lines.

Assuming the book is in a genre that might interest you, do you want to continue reading after the first lines? The authors hope so. What do you think? Are you interested enough to turn the page? These books probably target women more than men, but we appreciate all opinions.

1. Wedlocked by Bonnie Trachtenberg

I used to think the term “temporary insanity” was just a dubious courtroom plea. I found out the hard way that I was wrong.

Wedlocked_Book_Cover

Amazon

2. Orion’s Gift by Anneli Purchase

They say ignorance is bliss. I can vouch for that. My life was humming along just fine until I received that letter. Afterwards, nothing was the same.

Orion's Gift

 amazon.com

 3. Embraced by Darlene Jones

Abby propped the microphone above the bowl of Rice Krispies, turned the recorder on, and poured milk over the cereal.

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000026_00038] Website

Amazon

Neurotically Yours -Bonnie Trachtenberg

Bonnie

My guest is author Bonnie Trachtenberg. Here she is to introduce her contribution to the Humour in Writing series.

“I love things that make me laugh, so it’s only natural that my books would include comedy. In fact, I find humor sneaking into things that I write that aren’t even supposed to be funny. It sure takes the sting out of the toughness in life! This is an excerpt from my second romantic comedy, Neurotically Yours.”

 

 

 

EXCERPT FROM NEUROTICALLY YOURS:

“You wanted to see me?” she asked.

“Yes. Please close the door and have a seat.”

Something in his formal tone told her this had nothing to do with outdated dairy products. She waited for him to open his mouth and breathe some fire her way, but instead, he opened a folder that sat waiting on his desk and shuffled through the stack of papers inside. It didn’t take long for Dara to realize the folder contained a collection of her printed columns.

He pursed his flaky lips and narrowed his eyes as he looked at her.

“I’ve read over your columns, Dara, and I’m very concerned.”

“Really? Why would they concern you?”

“I’ve never seen an advice columnist let loose on her readers the way you do. You’ve been writing this column for, what, almost eight years?”

Dara nodded slowly.

“I understand that a column will progress along with the columnist over a period of time. It’s only natural—but in your case…”

“Yes?”

“Well, I find the progression quite disturbing.”

“Disturbing?” she echoed with surprise.

 “Well,” he said, mustering professionalism, “early on, your column was more like a pep talk, more hopeful. That’s good. That’s what people want to hear, but lately…”

The Beast tapped his bony fingers on his desk while sighing.

“You can get to the point, Bob,” she said with some irreverence. The change in tone brought out the editor she was starting to know and hate.

“Telling people they’re better off on their own is not the best romantic advice.”

“It is if they’re dating a creep.”

“Last month you suggested that a forty-eight-year-old woman,” he shuffled through the file so he could quote her accurately, “‘would be better off with goldfish for company than the pathetic stream of misfits polluting her dating waters.’”

“Well, it’s true,” Dara defended matter-of-factly.

He pulled out another page with a huff and started reading. “And from March, you told Stymied in Santa Monica that, and I quote again, ‘Couples therapy would be a waste of time considering your fiancé’s obvious obsession with killing small, defenseless animals.’”

Bob looked sternly at Dara. “So he’s a hunter,” he said with annoyance. “Lots of people are hunters. That doesn’t disqualify such a person from couples therapy—or good relationships.”

“It does when the person does it every weekend instead of paying some modicum of attention to his fiancée. My God, they’re not even married yet, and he’s totally ignoring her, not to mention murdering innocent wildlife.”

“Well,” Bob added as he pulled Exhibit C from the pile, “at least you’re an equal opportunity offender. You told this man that his girlfriend was ‘clearly a narcissist who will play nice until she sinks her claws deep enough into your skin to hold you down and eat you alive.’ Then you quoted lyrics from a Hall and Oates song, ‘Maneater.’”

“Yes,” Dara commented coolly, “I’ve seen it happen many times with women like that.”

“You told him to ‘get over his hard-on for bitches unless he wants a life of pain and misery.’”

She nodded with assuredness. “Sound advice.”

The Beast huffed at her again and began to raise his voice, “First of all, you can’t diagnose someone with a personality disorder when you’ve never even met her.”

“Oh, come on, it’s so obvious though—” she started.

“And, second, if he breaks up with her after reading this, we could have a lawsuit on our hands!”

“We have a disclaimer, remember? This is only for entertainment purposes, blah, blah, blah—”

“That doesn’t mean someone won’t start trouble anyway! We live in a very litigious state.”

The Beast tried to calm himself with a deep breath.

“Dara, your column is way too… depressing.”

 Neurotically_Yours_Cover_JPEG

 

Buy Neurotically Yours

Amazon: http://amzn.to/HY4PyF

Amazon UK: http://is.gd/e14qU0

Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/KumteQ

 

 

 

Turning Points Series – Bonnie Trachtenberg

Bonnie

My guest for this installment of a “Turning Point Scene” is Bonnie Trachtenberg,  the multi-award-winning, bestselling author of Wedlocked: A Novel, Neurotically Yours: A Novel, and The Fine Art of Delusional Thinking. Bonnie writes a monthly relationship and advice column for Love a Happy Ending Lifestyle Magazine. Bonnie was senior writer and copy chief at Book-of-the-Month Club and has written seven children’s book adaptations. She has also written for three newspapers and penned countless magazine articles. She lives in New York with her husband, four cats, and a dog.

WEDLOCKED – Turning Point Scene

When I was sure they both had disconnected, I hung up quietly. Then I let out the breath I realized I had been holding in. My hands were shaking with rage. I tried to decide what to do but then determined to just let him have it with both barrels. I opened the bathroom door and slowly sidled up to where Craig was reclining in the easy chair.

“What are you doing?” I asked him accusingly.

“Watching TV.”

“No!” I shouted. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” This got his attention, and he looked up at me. “You’re going into business with Lou?!”

“What are you eavesdropping on me?”

“Don’t try to turn this around. What do you think you’re getting us into? Don’t you think I know what a crook he is?”

“Rebecca …”

“Which one of his shady ventures did you buy us into?” I said as I paced the floor in a fury.

“It’s on the up and up.”

“Yeah, sure it is. What are we drug runners now? Or will all our new furniture have fallen off a truck?”

“It’s nothing like that.”

“And how could you invest our wedding money without even discussing it with me? That’s our money, Craig. Our money. And the last place in the world that I want it is anywhere near Lou!”

I was now standing over him with menace in my eyes.

“Rebecca, I didn’t have a choice.”

“What are you talking about? Didn’t have a choice …”

“The business isn’t doing … as well as it should. My father’s getting out.  I need to diversify.”

“There are a million other jobs or business ventures you could explore. How could you pick Lou?”

“He made me an equal partner in his company.”

“He doesn’t run a company. He runs a racket.”

“Look, I did it cause I need a lot of money, and I need it fast.”

“Oh, and why is that?” I asked anxiously, afraid to know the answer.

“Cause the IRS is on my ass—big time.”

“Oh, jeez, Craig. Is there anything else you’ve managed to screw up that I should know about?”

“Rebecca … it’ll be fine. I promise you.”

Then I stood up straight and walked to the sliding doors for a breath of air. I looked out on the beauty of Capri. Then I waited about twenty seconds, took a deep breath, and turned back to face him.

“I know the fact that we’re on our honeymoon makes it a very inopportune time to announce this, Craig, but … I want a divorce.”

 Wedlocked_Book_Cover

Learn much more about Bonnie at her website: http://www.Bonnie

Trachtenberg.com

Read her advice column at: http://www.loveahappyending.com/category/in-search-of-a-happy-ending/

Find her on Facebook: http://www.Facebook.com/BonnieTrachtenberg

Follow her on Twitter: @Writebrainedny

 

 

 

 

 

Buy Wedlocked

Amazon: http://is.gd/2XLInB

Amazon UK: http://is.gd/hIKHRa

Barnes & Noble: http://is.gd/t8Izux

Neurotically_Yours_Cover_JPEG

delusional-thinking-FINAL-Amazon

Buy Neurotically Yours

Amazon: http://amzn.to/HY4PyF

Amazon UK: http://is.gd/e14qU0

Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/KumteQ

 

Buy The Fine Art of Delusional Thinking

Amazon: http://is.gd/dquC6v

Amazon UK: http://is.gd/2u3KnV

Barnes & Noble: http://is.gd/FTczLh

What Love Means

Bonnie Trachtenberg loves cats. For this reason and many others, she’s always welcome on my blog. Here she is sharing her views on love for our Valentine’s Day countdown.

Me sitting on rock at beach

What love means to me…

My husband has never bought me flowers. He knows the cats will eat them and throw up. He doesn’t buy me candy—until I take him once a year to Godiva so I can pick out all the chocolates I like, and not waste calories on the others. He has never planned a surprise event for me, whether on my birthday or at any other time, or picked out jewelry to gift me with. He knows I have specific tastes and he doesn’t want to disappoint me. I make the social plans, the dinner reservations, and happily pick out my own gems, sometimes with him by my side.

But let me tell you a few of the things he has done…

My husband built a house in our yard for our stray cats with insulation, cat doors, windows, window seats, cozy beds, and heat, so I don’t worry about them all winter. When he thought his son was extremely allergic to my indoor cat, he built us a beautiful addition to our home so that my cat and I could have a luxurious, spacious place to be when his son came over. He gave me one of my favorite gifts of all time: a portable back scratcher that fits in my purse, for those annoying, hard-to-reach itches I always seem to get. He is appreciative if I simply heat up a frozen dinner for him and will joke, “You outdid yourself.” He has learned to watch old black and white movies with me and even enjoy them. My husband knows my idiosyncrasies and loves me in spite of them. He hugs me and tells me he loves me every day. He is my best friend, my greatest admirer, my biggest fan, and the only man who ever really “got” me—and I wouldn’t trade him for all the flowers and candy in the world.

Bonnie is the author of the bestselling, multi-award winning romantic comedies Wedlocked and Neurotically Yours. She is also the author of the humor/satire book The Fine Art of Delusional Thinking. She lives in New York with her husband, four cats, and a dog.

Wedlocked-a-Novel-by-Bonnie-Trachtenberg-160x190Neurotically_Yours_Cover_JPEGdelusional-thinking-FINAL-Amazon

Learn much more about Bonnie at her website: www.BonnieTrachtenberg.com

Loveahappyending Lifestyle Magazine

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A team of writers of diverse backgrounds and interests has collaborated, under the leadership of Linn B. Halton, to put together a quarterly online magazine that will appeal to many with a wide range of topics.

If you are looking for a movie review, a cooking recipe, outdoor articles, humour, or advice for your personal problems, you’ll find it all in the Loveahappyending Lifestyle Magazine. And it’s all for FREE.

Simply click on the link and you’ll have it.

http://issuu.com/llmlifestyle/docs/issue_3?e=8377918%2F6408538

Here’s a sneak peek at the Table of Contents:

5. An interview with Downton Abbey’s food stylist – Lisa Heathcote
9. Pairing red wines and vegetarian food
11. An interview with celebrity chef, Martin Blunos
15. Screen vs. stage – Les Miserables
16. Website hijack – who do you call?
17. Nice La Belle
21. Exhausted parent’s playbook
24. Meet artist Elizabeth Cassidy
29. A love affair with Corfu
32. X-rated satire with Adam’s rib
35. Janice Horton’s Bookshelf Reviews
40. Land Ahoy!
43. When first love goes awry … relationship advice with Bonnie Trachtenberg
44. Romantic fiction writing course in Italy
47. Home project – mirror magic
51. News from the book world
53. Fall/winter fashion
57. Feeding fish in paradise
60. Vancouver Island – seasonal visitors
64. Building those skills – children and education
68. A tower for two
72. Tandemocracy – climb every mountain …
76. Meet the team

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Christmas Interview – Bonnie Trachtenberg

 As we count down the weeks and days until Christmas this year, I thought it would be interesting to share our ideas, beliefs, and experiences about the holiday season and Christmas. I know it may seem a wee bit early, but the Christmas lights are already being put up all around town.

Over the next few weeks, I will be hosting friends who have agreed to share their ideas with us in the form of an interview. My first guest is the fabulous Bonnie Trachtenberg.

Bonnie is the multi-award-winning, bestselling author of Wedlocked: A Novel, Neurotically Yours: A Novel, and The Fine Art of Delusional Thinking. She writes a monthly relationship and advice column for Love a Happy Ending Lifestyle Magazine. Bonnie was senior writer and copy chief at Book-of-the-Month Club and has written seven children’s book adaptations. She has also written for three newspapers and penned countless magazine articles. She lives in New York with her husband, four cats, and a dog.

Bonnie

1. Do you celebrate Christmas?

I don’t exactly celebrate Christmas as I am Jewish, but since I grew up with Christmas Envy (Chanukah just isn’t the same), over the years I’ve developed my own Christmas rituals that bring me joy during the holiday season. These include eggnog flavoured coffee, hot spiced cider, gingerbread cookies, and old Christmas movies watched while still in my pyjamas.

2. Have you ever spent Christmas alone?

Yes, but my favourite Christmas shows on TV kept me company.

3. Have you ever had a non-traditional Christmas dinner? What did you have?

I do every year; it’s called Chinese food!

 4. What are your thoughts on gift giving?

I hate shopping in crowds and I never know what to get people, so around this time of year I tend to be grateful for being Jewish! LOL However, I do donate to charities and this keeps me in the holiday spirit.

 5. What was the most fun activity you’ve done at Christmas?

Ice skating. I’d never done it before and I’ve never done it since, but I had a blast!

6. Do you have stockings either at Christmas, or on St. Nicholas Day?

I used to hang my knee socks on our oven, and my mom filled them with Chanukah gelt (chocolate coins). These days I save my calories for Godiva.

 7. What was the best gift you ever received at Christmas?

My Grandpa Sol took me to the city at Christmas time and we spent a lovely day together. I’ll always treasure that memory.

 8. What was the worst gift you ever received at Christmas?

 I don’t recall; I must have blocked it from my memory. 😉

 9. What do you do with gifts you hate?

Give them to people I think might appreciate them.

 10. What would you change about Christmas?

The traffic.

 11. What would you keep the same if you could?

The good cheer and the eggnog.

 12. What is your favourite Christmas music or song?

Little Saint Nick by The Beach Boys

 13. What do you like best about Christmas?

The wonderful old movies: Christmas in Connecticut, Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Carol (only the Alastair Sim version!), March of the Wooden Soldiers, It’s a Wonderful Life, to name just a few. I DVR them during the year so I can watch them on Christmas, and I never seem to tire of them.

 14. Any additional thoughts about Christmas.

It still beats the heck out of Chanukah! LOL

***

Bonnie is the author of several novels. Here are the cover images of some of them.

Wedlocked_Book_Cover

Buy Wedlocked

Amazon: http://is.gd/2XLInB

Amazon UK: http://is.gd/hIKHRa

Barnes & Noble: http://is.gd/t8Izux

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Neurotically_Yours_Cover_JPEG

Buy Neurotically Yours

Amazon: http://amzn.to/HY4PyF

Amazon UK: http://is.gd/e14qU0

Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/KumteQ

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delusional-thinking-FINAL-Amazon

Buy The Fine Art of Delusional Thinking

Amazon: http://is.gd/dquC6v

Amazon UK: http://is.gd/2u3KnV

Barnes & Noble: http://is.gd/FTczLh

______________________________________________________________

Learn much more about Bonnie at her website: http://www.BonnieTrachtenberg.com

Read her advice column at: http://www.loveahappyending.com/category/in-search-of-a-happy-ending/

Find her on Facebook: http://www.Facebook.com/BonnieTrachtenberg

Follow her on Twitter: @Writebrainedny