Valentine’s Day is only two weeks away!You remember Emma Calin, author of those racy romances involving police passion. Well, she hasn’t been arrested yet for writing such hot stuff, so she is here to share some Valentine secrets.
What Emma says about love!
Love means feeling empty without that special snore beside you.
Here’s my true Valentine adventure:
I needed a job. A job with money. No one employs novelists. I became the moral equivalent of a street-walking loan shark. Yes, I was a secret shopper. For weeks I checked out frazzled fast food flippers with a secret stopwatch tucked into my underwear. I ate microwaved cow pats of pub grub burgers. I reported back to mission control. They rejected my prose and alliteration. They blocked my wages.
Then came the assignment. A night for two at a posh hotel on Valentine’s day. I set out with Oscar on our tandem. We were the only mud-spattered guests in multicolored Lycra. We tried to blend in. Secret shoppers are told to keep gray and low. OK – I was a failure.
The hotel was fabulous. We dined on salmon seduced into nets by singing virgins in mountain streams. We drank champagne made from grapes each kissed by bubbly cherubs.
At the end of the meal there was a competition to win a cute but anonymous teddy bear. The challenge was to provide the best name. Oscar the poet came up with “Rose-a-Welt”. He won and we went to bed. The manager told us to keep the noise down since people were still eating.
I gave the hotel a seven star purple prose review. The agency blocked my wages for adding extra stars. It was my final mission. The teddy still sits on my bed and starred in my Valentine’s video. I’ve still got my poet.
Emma’s hot novels: